In many South Asian immigrant families, the eldest child is often expected to set an example for younger siblings, excel academically, and fulfill responsibilities that extend beyond their years. These expectations are heightened by the struggles their parents face as immigrants, navigating a new culture while holding on to the traditions of their homeland. This dynamic creates a pattern where first-generation South Asian children, particularly the eldest, suppress their emotions and mental health struggles to uphold the family’s honor and meet parental expectations. The result is an unspoken burden that leads to anxiety, depression, and difficulty in forming healthy emotional habits.
Immigrant parents from South Asian countries often arrive in the United States or Canada with the hope of a better future for their children. Their sacrifices—leaving behind familiarity, extended family, and often stable careers—create a sense of duty among their children to repay them through success and obedience. The eldest child, seen as the bridge between cultures, bears the weight of parental expectations the most.
Studies suggest that immigrant parents tend to adopt an authoritarian parenting style, emphasizing discipline and achievement while discouraging emotional expression. South Asian families often equate success with financial stability and professional prestige, steering children toward careers in medicine, engineering, or law. This pressure discourages emotional openness, as discussing personal struggles is seen as self-indulgent or even disrespectful.
In many South Asian households, the eldest child takes on a pseudo-parental role (the parentified child), managing younger siblings and assisting with household responsibilities. This dynamic arises not only from cultural traditions but also from necessity, as immigrant parents work long hours to establish financial stability. Research on first-generation South Asian youth indicates that eldest children often feel an intense obligation to protect their family’s reputation and protect younger siblings from parental disappointment. This role leaves little room for them to express vulnerability, as their own struggles might be seen as a burden to the family.
The parentified child in South Asian immigrant families is often placed in a role where they must act as a caretaker, mediator, and sometimes even an emotional buffer between their parents and younger siblings. This role extends beyond physical responsibilities, such as babysitting or helping with household chores, to include emotional labor—soothing anxiety of the parents, translating cultural and linguistic nuances, and often suppressing their own needs to maintain family harmony.
Psychologically, this form of parentification can lead to stress and emotional exhaustion. Children who are expected to function as caregivers develop hyper-independence, often struggling to ask for help or acknowledge their own emotional struggles. Over time, this suppression of personal needs can contribute to an increased risk of anxiety, depression, and a sense of isolation. They may also internalize the belief that their worth is tied to their ability to serve others, making it difficult for them to establish boundaries in relationships later in life.
Additionally, the eldest child’s role as the family’s stabilizing force can create a heightened fear of failure. Because their identity is shaped around being dependable, any shortcoming—whether academic, professional, or emotional—can trigger guilt and self-criticism. Studies on immigrant family dynamics indicate that parentified children often develop a strong sense of obligation but struggle with self-compassion, leading to cycles of self-neglect in adulthood. Without intervention, these patterns can persist, affecting their mental well-being and ability to form fulfilling, reciprocal relationships. Breaking this cycle requires a cultural shift in how responsibility and emotional labor are distributed within immigrant families. Parents must recognize that while resilience and independence are valuable, children should not bear the weight of adult concerns at the expense of their own development.
This suppression of emotions is exacerbated by the stigma surrounding mental health in South Asian communities. Many families view mental illness as a sign of weakness or a lack of resilience, leading children to internalize their struggles rather than seek help. As a result, many first-generation South Asian children suffer in silence, fearing that discussing their emotional needs will be met with invalidation or criticism.
The combination of high expectations, parental sacrifice, and cultural stigma leads many eldest children to suppress their emotions, often manifesting in mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and burnout. South Asian youth in North America reported significantly higher levels of academic-related stress and family pressure compared to their non-immigrant peers. This stress often goes unaddressed, as therapy and counseling are not widely accepted within traditional South Asian households.
Furthermore, emotional suppression can lead to difficulty forming healthy relationships. Because these children have been conditioned to prioritize familial duty over personal well-being, they may struggle with vulnerability, emotional regulation, and self-compassion in adulthood. Many continue to experience guilt when prioritizing their own needs, reinforcing cycles of self-neglect.
Breaking the Cycle: Encouraging Emotional Expression
Addressing the mental health struggles of first-generation South Asian children requires a cultural shift that normalizes emotional expression. Several strategies can help break the cycle:
- Parental Education: Community programs and mental health initiatives must work to educate South Asian parents on the importance of emotional well-being. This includes understanding that seeking mental health support is not a failure but a necessary aspect of overall health. Like taking Metformin for Diabetes or taking Crestor for cholesterol or heart benefits, therapy and medication for psychiatric illnesses can also help.
- Therapeutic Support with Cultural Understanding: South Asian youth may be more inclined to seek therapy if they feel understood. Mental health professionals who are culturally competent can provide support that respects familial obligations while encouraging self-care.
- Open Conversations: Creating safe spaces for South Asian children to discuss their emotions without fear of judgment can help reduce the stigma. Schools and community groups can facilitate discussions around mental health to validate these experiences.
- Redefining Success: It is crucial to shift away from narrow definitions of success that prioritize academic and career achievements over emotional well-being. Encouraging diverse career paths and self-fulfillment can relieve some of the pressure faced by first-generation children.
The expectation for eldest children in South Asian families to be the ‘good child’ often leads to emotional suppression, impacting their mental health and personal growth. While immigrant parents instill these expectations out of love and sacrifice, the resulting pressure can create significant emotional distress. Addressing these challenges requires a cultural shift toward valuing emotional expression, open communication, and mental health awareness. By breaking the silence around these issues, first-generation South Asian children can move toward a healthier, more balanced future.
South Asian Therapists: For those seeking mental health support from professionals who understand South Asian cultural nuances, Palak Patel has compiled a valuable list of South Asian therapists across the U.S. This resource may help individuals find the right support in their journey toward well-being. A huge thanks to Palak for creating this wonderful resource! You can access it here: https://thechutneylife.com/mental-health-a-curated-list-of-therapists-by-state/
Vishwani’s opinions are her own and are for informational purposes only. They are not intended to diagnose, treat, or provide medical advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare professional for personalized medical care.
Vishwani Sahai-Siddiqui is a residency- and fellowship-trained psychiatrist, now a medical writer and editor, and the owner of The Cognitive Quill. For more information, please visit cognitivequill.com or email vishwanipsychmd@gmail.com.
South Asians and Mental Illness Series
- Therapy is for “Other People”: Why Many South Asian Parents Dismiss Mental Health Support
- The Burden of Being the ‘Good Child’: How South Asian Kids Suppress Mental Health Struggles
References
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Ghuman, P. A. S. (1999). Asian children at home and at school: An ethnographic study. Routledge.
Majeed, S., & Burch, J. (2022). Academic stress and family pressure among South Asian youth in North America: A comparative study. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 51(4), 556-572. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-021-01473-5
Patel, N., Mirza, K., & Franks, W. (2018). Emotional suppression and self-worth in South Asian young adults: A qualitative study. International Journal of Social Psychiatry, 64(3), 244-254. https://doi.org/10.1177/0020764018769782
Rana, A. (2021). Parental expectations and career choices in South Asian immigrant families. Canadian Journal of Ethnic Studies, 53(2), 189-205. https://doi.org/10.7202/1073777ar
Rashid, S., & Gregory, J. (2021). Culturally competent therapy for South Asian youth: Bridging the mental health gap. Clinical Psychology Review, 88, 102036. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102036
Sharma, N., & Leung, L. (2020). The invisible burden: Role strain and emotional suppression in eldest children of South Asian immigrant families. Journal of Family Psychology, 34(6), 765-779. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000645
