Marriage is a monumental decision in South Asian culture, with families playing an active role in selecting partners. The matchmaking process, through family networks, matrimonial websites, or professional matchmakers, tends to prioritize factors such as education, career, caste, and family background. However, one aspect remains unspoken: mental health.
The stigma surrounding mental illness in South Asian communities is well-documented. Studies indicate that South Asians are less likely to seek professional mental health support due to cultural perceptions, fear of judgment, and the desire to maintain family honor. This stigma extends to marriage, where the disclosure of a mental health condition, diagnosed or undiagnosed—can significantly impact an individual’s prospects.
The Fear of Disclosure
Disclosing a history of depression, anxiety, or any psychiatric diagnosis can lead to outright rejection in arranged marriage settings. Families often fear that acknowledging mental illness will lower a person’s desirability or bring shame. In a study examining mental health stigma in South Asian communities, researchers found that individuals preferred to present themselves as “strong” or “resilient” rather than admit to psychological distress. This mindset carries over into matchmaking, where the perception of being emotionally “unstable” can overshadow other accomplishments.
Women face a higher burden. South Asian women are more likely to have their mental health history scrutinized in marriage discussions compared to men. The expectation that women must be emotionally resilient caregivers often leads to the dismissal of their struggles.
When Weddings Are Called Off
For those who choose to disclose a mental health condition, the consequences can be severe. In many cases, once a mental illness—such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder—is revealed, the wedding is called off. This decision is usually driven by several reasons:
- Concerns About Family Reputation: In collectivist cultures like South Asian societies, marriage is not just about two individuals—it is a union between families. If a prospective bride or groom is known to have a mental health condition, it can be seen as a reflection of the entire family. Families worry about how relatives, friends, and community members will perceive them, leading some to withdraw from the match entirely.
- Assumptions About Instability and Functionality: Many people equate mental illness with unpredictability or an inability to manage daily responsibilities. Even if the condition is well-managed with therapy or medication, the perception of instability remains. This is especially relevant for women, who are often expected to be the emotional anchors of the household. A bride with a history of mental illness may be seen as incapable of fulfilling traditional roles, such as caregiving and child-rearing.
- Fear of Genetic Transmission: Another common reason for breaking off engagements is the belief that mental illness is hereditary. Families worry that conditions such as depression, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder will be passed on to future generations, affecting the health and reputation of their lineage. This misconception persists despite growing evidence that mental health conditions result from a combination of genetic, environmental, and social factors.
- Mistrust: If mental health concerns are disclosed after an engagement has already been arranged, some families may feel deceived. The expectation in traditional matchmaking is full transparency about medical history, though, ironically, this rarely extends to mental health. When such information is revealed later in the process, families may believe they were misled, leading them to call off the wedding as a matter of principle.
- Economic and Social Considerations: In some cases, mental illness is seen as a financial burden. Families may worry about the cost of ongoing treatment, therapy, or medication. They may also fear that a mentally ill spouse will struggle to maintain stable employment. These economic concerns play a major role in why some marriages do not proceed.
The fear of rejection often leads individuals to hide or downplay their struggles, but this silence comes at a cost. Studies show that suppressing mental health concerns can exacerbate symptoms, increasing the risk of chronic anxiety, depression, or even self-harm over time.
Additionally, entering a marriage without open conversations about mental health can lead to long-term relationship struggles. Partners who are unaware of each other’s mental health histories may find it difficult to provide the necessary emotional support. A lack of understanding about mental health within marriages is linked to higher levels of dissatisfaction and even divorce.
Despite these challenges, attitudes toward mental health in South Asian communities are gradually shifting. Younger generations are more open to discussing mental well-being and seeking therapy. Public health campaigns and increased representation of mental health issues in media have helped with these conversations.
For matchmaking to evolve, transparency about mental health must be encouraged without the fear of judgment. Educational initiatives within South Asian communities can help reduce myths, emphasizing that mental health conditions, like physical illnesses, are manageable with the right support. Mental health professionals working with South Asian clients can also play a role by helping individuals navigate disclosure and advocate for their needs in relationships.
Furthermore, matchmaking services should integrate mental health education into their processes. Some progressive matrimonial platforms have begun incorporating counseling resources to support couples in having open discussions before marriage. This can help shift the narrative from stigma to acceptance, ensuring that mental well-being becomes part of compatibility discussions rather than a disqualifying factor.
Mental health stigma continues to influence South Asian arranged marriage dynamics, often pushing individuals to hide or downplay their struggles. However, increasing awareness and cultural shifts are slowly paving the way for more open conversations. The goal should not be to eliminate marriage prospects for those with mental health conditions but to create an environment where honesty is valued along with the traditional criteria.
Vishwani’s opinions are her own and are for informational purposes only. They are not intended to diagnose, treat, or provide medical advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare professional for personalized medical care.
Vishwani Sahai-Siddiqui is a residency- and fellowship-trained psychiatrist, now a medical writer and editor, and the owner of The Cognitive Quill. For more information, please visit cognitivequill.com or email vishwanipsychmd@gmail.com.
South Asians and Mental Illness Series
- Therapy is for “Other People”: Why Many South Asian Parents Dismiss Mental Health Support
- The Burden of Being the ‘Good Child’: How South Asian Kids Suppress Mental Health Struggles
- Mental Health and Matchmaking: How Stigma Affects South Asian Marriage Prospects
References
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Patel, V., Saxena, S., Lund, C., Thornicroft, G., Baingana, F., Bolton, P., … & Unützer, J. (2018). The Lancet Commission on global mental health and sustainable development. The Lancet, 392(10157), 1553-1598.
Rao, N., McHale, S. M., & Pearson, E. (2016). Stability and change in marital quality among South Asian immigrant couples in the U.S. Journal of Marriage and Family, 78(5), 1234-1249.
Tamim, H., Joseph, S., Baroud, M., & Mahfoud, Z. (2020). Stigma toward mental illness in South Asian communities: A systematic review. Community Mental Health Journal, 56(3), 437-450.
