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“The Son Belongs to His Mother”: South Asian Daughters-in-Law and the Mental Health Toll of Family Hierarchy

In many South Asian families, a daughter-in-law doesn’t simply marry a husband—she marries into a hierarchy. Her entry into the household often marks a shift in family dynamics, especially where a deep, enmeshed mother-son bond is already in place. What may appear on the surface as generational tension is frequently rooted in a legacy of unspoken expectations, emotional control, and cultural beliefs that elevate the status of the son while diminishing the autonomy of the woman he marries. For daughters-in-law, this reality can have a profound and lasting impact on mental health. As a South Asian woman myself, I’ve never met a daughter-in-law or mother-in-law who genuinely shared a warm, mutual fondness. While there may be civility or tolerance, true closeness often seems elusive. This absence of emotional safety or affection isn’t just anecdotal—it speaks to a larger, unspoken reality where power dynamics and unprocessed trauma often take precedence over connection.

South Asian mother-in-law and daughter-in-law sitting crossed arm on the couch

Indian soap operas have long portrayed the volatile relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, often centering entire storylines around control, rivalry, and emotional manipulation. These dramatizations are exaggerated but reflect real cultural anxieties and normalize toxic dynamics within the family structure. For many viewers, especially women, these shows can reinforce these behaviors and contribute to the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

Much of the tension stems from cultural preference for sons in South Asian communities. Sons are often seen as the carriers of family honor and the protectors of aging parents. As a result, mothers may form emotionally dependent relationships with their sons, especially if they were denied power or respect in their own marriages. When a son marries, the daughter-in-law is not always welcomed as a new member of the family. Instead, she may be seen as competition or an outsider. Her presence can trigger fears of being replaced, leading to controlling or undermining behaviors from the mother-in-law, which the daughter-in-law is expected to tolerate silently out of respect.

This dynamic can trap daughters-in-law in a painful limbo—expected to defer, adjust, and appease without ever asserting their own needs. Many find themselves constantly monitored, criticized, or emotionally manipulated. Over time, this can chip away at a woman’s confidence, leaving her riddled with self-doubt, anxiety, or depression. She may question her worth, feel isolated in her marriage, and internalize the belief that peace in the home must come at the cost of her own voice.

The mental health toll is especially stark for women who live in joint families, where privacy is limited and traditional roles are strictly enforced. In such households, daughters-in-law often report waking up earlier, eating last, or having limited financial independence—rules that are unspoken but reinforce a power imbalance. Even highly educated or financially independent women are not immune. Many enter marriage with the hope of finding partnership, only to discover they are expected to adhere to a code of silent endurance, where speaking up is equated with rebellion or disrespect.

In more severe cases, the emotional strain is compounded by legal threats or financial control. One daughter-in-law in India reported being harassed by her mother-in-law, who imposed heavy monetary demands and threatened to weaponize the dowry laws if her needs weren’t met. In another case, a woman was isolated from her own family, with her phone use and movements monitored under the guise of protecting family values. While not all cases escalate to legal or financial manipulation, many women live with daily psychological warfare—subtle but constant reminders that they are outsiders in a home that demands their loyalty but not their comfort.

This emotional abuse often goes unacknowledged, even by the women enduring it. In cultures where mental health is still stigmatized, and family honor is prioritized over individual well-being, many daughters-in-law suffer in silence. They may downplay their distress, normalize their sadness, or feel guilt for not being able to “adjust” better. For some, especially those who immigrate after marriage, the isolation is even more acute; they are cut off from their support systems and left to navigate these dynamics without a safe space.

A qualitative study by Abraham and Lal (2015) on South Asian American women described this cycle of silence and subjugation in daughters-in-law, noting that many feared community shame or family backlash if they sought help for emotional abuse. Another study by Mehrotra (2010) documented how “adjustment” is often weaponized in Indian families to suppress a daughter-in-law’s emotional needs, creating conditions ripe for anxiety and depression.

Sadly, the pain these women experience is cyclical. Many mothers-in-law who perpetuate this behavior were once daughters-in-law themselves. But instead of breaking the cycle, they replicate it, seeing the next generation as a chance to finally exert the control they were once denied. This generational repetition creates a culture where emotional suffering is inherited, and silence is expected.

Mental Health Issues from Abuse and Emotional Distress

The chronic stress and emotional strain placed on daughters-in-law within these familial dynamics can contribute to a wide range of mental health challenges. Daughters-in-law may face mental health concerns such as:

  • Depression: Feelings of hopelessness, low energy, and a sense of worthlessness can emerge from constant emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, and the suppression of personal identity. Studies indicate that immigrant women, particularly South Asian daughters-in-law, experience higher rates of depression due to the pressures of family expectations, immigration stress, and cultural isolation.
  • Anxiety: Constantly navigating controlling behaviors and unrealistic expectations can lead to generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Daughters-in-law may feel an ongoing sense of dread about family interactions, leading to symptoms such as restlessness, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and sleep disturbances.
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Long-term exposure to emotional abuse or manipulation can result in symptoms consistent with PTSD. Women who endure chronic emotional distress may develop flashbacks, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness. In severe cases, the feeling of being “trapped” in a toxic family environment can lead to full-blown PTSD.
  • Low Self-Esteem: Daughters-in-law who are subjected to controlling behaviors, verbal criticisms, or demands to meet unrealistic standards often experience a sense of inadequacy. Over time, this can erode their self-esteem, leading to self-doubt and diminished sense of self-worth.
  • Substance Abuse: For some women, the emotional toll of these family dynamics may lead to coping mechanisms such as substance abuse. Women may turn to alcohol or prescription medications to numb the emotional pain or to escape the controlling environment.
  • Somatization: Some daughters-in-law may manifest emotional stress in the form of physical symptoms, such as headaches, chronic fatigue, or gastrointestinal issues. This phenomenon, known as somatization, occurs when emotional distress is expressed as physical illness, which is a common response among those who feel unable to voice their emotional pain.

Addressing these issues requires cultural sensitivity and mental health support tailored to the needs of South Asian families, particularly those involving intergenerational family conflicts. Encouraging open conversations, offering counseling, and advocating for healthier family dynamics can improve the well-being of everyone involved.

Statistics on South Asian Daughters-in-Law and Mental Health

  • 43% of South Asian immigrant women in the U.S. reported experiencing psychological abuse from in-laws, often involving emotional manipulation, isolation, and control.
  • In a Canadian study, 1 in 3 South Asian immigrant women identified their in-laws—especially mothers-in-law—as a primary source of emotional distress after marriage.
  • Over 50% of South Asian immigrant women in the U.S. and U.K. said they avoided seeking mental health care due to stigma and fear of family retaliation.
  • Among South Asian immigrant women in the U.S., 61% said their mental health worsened after marriage, particularly when living in multigenerational households.
  • 70% of South Asian women who reported emotional abuse in their marital homes said the abuse came primarily from their mother-in-law, not their spouse.
  • 46% of South Asian American women said they had no access to culturally competent mental health providers who understood the dynamics of family honor, daughter-in-law roles, or intergenerational trauma.
  • In a U.K. survey of South Asian women accessing domestic violence services, 62% described the abuse as originating from extended family, not just partners—primarily in-laws.

To truly address the mental health impact on daughters-in-law, we must first validate their pain. They are not just wives or daughters-in-law—they are individuals navigating one of the most emotionally complex roles in the South Asian family structure. Their struggles are not simply the result of “adjustment issues” or family misunderstandings—they are often the product of psychological wounds that are left to fester in silence. Therapy, support groups, and culturally competent mental health care can offer relief, but broader change requires collective acknowledgment that emotional abuse within families is real and damaging. Until we create space for their stories and their needs, the cycle will continue. And with it, so will the quiet, persistent suffering of far too many women.

Vishwani Sahai-Siddiqui, MDVishwani Sahai-Siddiqui, MD

Vishwani’s opinions are her own and are for informational purposes only. They are not intended to diagnose, treat, or provide medical advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare professional for personalized medical care.

Vishwani Sahai-Siddiqui is a residency- and fellowship-trained psychiatrist, now a medical writer and editor, and the owner of The Cognitive Quill. For more information, please visit cognitivequill.com or email vishwanipsychmd@gmail.com.

South Asians and Mental Illness Series

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