The baby’s cry pierces the morning silence. The coffee’s gone cold. It’s 6:30 in the morning. Lilly stands in her kitchen, making breakfast. One hand is stirring her oatmeal, while her other hand scrolls through the work messages she has to deal with. A cartoon is playing in the background to keep her baby happy. Her day is full of tasks she handles with no moments of rest.
And yet, she stands like a lighthouse in the storm, resilient but alone. Asking someone for assistance seems like giving up. Naturally, she’s a super mom; she must take care of every problem herself.
Still, this image? It is not true. It is quietly unkind to keep teaching the role of a perfect mother to women. Doing it all on her own while overlooking assistance is not heroic—it’s very tiring. Worse, it leaves mothers trapped in a cycle of guilt that they’re never doing enough.
It’s time to challenge this myth and rewrite the story.
Guide to Being a Perfect Mom: Spoiler Alert
Imagine this. You find a Super Mother monthly magazine in your mailbox. Inside, there’s a step-by-step guide to becoming a super mom. It goes like this.
Wake up at 5 a.m. Go for a walk. Feed the dog. Clean the house. Prepare breakfast. Send your husband to work and the kids to school. Run errands. Then rush to your job if you’re a working mom.
Being a super mom often comes at the cost of your mental and physical well-being. But social media and magazines paint it like a fantasy. You’re a supermom if you survive sleepless nights and change diapers many times before dawn. If you cook, clean, do laundry all day, and greet your family with a big smile, you’re a supermom again.
Sick? Moms don’t get sick. They just push through. Right?
Wrong! This isn’t a strength. It’s pressure, and it’s toxic.
Motherhood is not about being a robot. After all, she’s human, pushing through life while deeply caring for her children. She’s allowed to feel tired. She’s allowed to ask for help. Underneath that brave face, she often hopes someone will support her.
Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s bravery!
It’s time to normalize asking for help. It’s time to stop chasing the Ideal Super Mom myth and start accepting real motherhood.
Unseen Sacrifices Come at a Real Cost
Back to Lilly! One day, she gets a call from her friend for a meet-up. Deep down, she eagerly wants a girls’ day out, but then she realizes who she’ll leave her kids with.
Her parents?
But leaving kids with her parents and sipping on a hot cup of coffee with her friend feels like a rebellion. This extra weight of responsibility and not being around her children feels like a curse to Lilly.
It won’t be wrong to say that an average woman thinks twice about her children than herself. She puts her wishes and goals on hold for her children. These unseen sacrifices aren’t anecdotal but are backed by research showing mothers’ real sacrifices.
A 2013 review by the Pew Research Center found that 65% of mothers make career-related sacrifices, like turning down promotions or quitting entirely. This shows that motherhood can often put a woman’s goals on hold.
And it doesn’t end there.
A new study published by Cornell Chronicle shows that while both parents spend meaningful time with their children, mothers experience more stress and fatigue due to the invisible load of house chores they carry.
Additionally, a Journal of Child and Family Studies publication states that mothers who believe in intensive parenting prefer putting children’s needs above all. Ultimately, they report higher rates of stress and depression. A mother’s love knows no limits, but it costs a lot.
Despite that, if you ask a mother if she spends maximum time with her children, the reply will be No. The invisible load she carries daily drains her energy so much that it gets her thinking she’s not doing enough. This results in a feeling of inadequacy among moms!
So, when Lilly hesitates before saying yes to that meet-up, she’s just being cautious. She’s maintaining a balance between joy and responsibility.
This is motherhood. Full of love but also full of unseen sacrifices.
Redefining the Narrative!
The Super Mom monthly magazine belongs in the trash! Next time you find such a magazine, throw it away, for mothers are also humans. Motherhood doesn’t grant them superpowers. Instead, it comes with myths that need to be shunned right away.
Ask for help if you want to. Hire a nanny. Talk to your loved ones and share the burden that you’re carrying. Look around for the support groups for Super Moms.
Share the load! Similarly, if you’re a working mom, ask for parental leave, affordable childcare, and mental health support.
That being said, to all the mothers like Lilly, you’re not a lighthouse that has to stand storms alone. Next time someone whispers, “Be strong,” respond, “I am strong because I’m not alone.” After all, you’re a human being, and humans need each other.
And those who praise mothers for being supermoms and for their resilience should stop acting like the audience watching a show. Instead, be the anchor and support the mothers. Extend your help to them. Let them take a break from being too hard on themselves.
Overdoing things in motherhood can make them resent anything that comes their way. They might yell and nag at every little thing, not because they want to, but because they don’t know how to ask for help.
Beyond being mothers, they are also human. If you look closely, the dark circles, puffy eyes, and messy hair they carry just reveal how overwhelming motherhood can be.
So, be kind to the mothers around you instead of being judgmental. It could be your wife, sister, or anyone else. If they’re too tired to prepare a meal, cook for them. Help them in any way you can.
This little act of support can give them strength and remind them that they’re not alone. And that it’s okay to ask for help without fear of judgment. By doing so, we don’t just strengthen them; we strengthen us all!
Though motherhood can be tough, it is also very satisfying. The happiness kids give tends to balance out all the hardships. All appreciate your hard work. Keep going; you’re doing a fantastic job. And never be shy to ask for help, for it’s a strength!
Temitope Fabayo, BA, MBA, is President of DMC HomeCare.
References
NW, 1615 L. S., Suite 800Washington, & Inquiries, D. 20036USA202-419-4300 | M.-8.-8. | F.-4.-4. | M. (2013, December 11). 10 Findings about Women in the Workplace. Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/12/11/10-findings-about-women-in-the-workplace/
Rizzo, K. M., Schiffrin, H. H., & Liss, M. (2012). Insight into the Parenthood Paradox: Mental Health Outcomes of Intensive Mothering. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 22(5), 614–620. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-012-9615-z
Time with kids boosts parents’ well-being – and strain on moms | Cornell Chronicle. (2016). Cornell Chronicle. https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2016/10/time-kids-boosts-parents-well-being-and-strain-moms
